Opinions

I like to pride my self on formulating intelligent opinions about various aspects on the world based on evidence drawn from a variety of highly reliable sources.  One such opinion that I have developed is that high maintenance females should not be allowed to own little dogs that bark incessantly in small spaces.  I was once on an eight hour flight to Quito and was found lacking in leg room as a result a personalized dog bed that belonged to the Chiwawa, that belonged to the woman sitting next to me.  She began to tell me about the waterproof dog bed she had ordered online and the washable dog bed that made her pup sneeze.  The bug-eyed, oversized rodent of a dog sat and stared at me the entire time while the woman brushed its fur with her own hair brush.  Disgusting.  Another time, I was sitting in a restaurant when one of the waiters tripped over his feet causing a startling crash.  Little barking sounds began to emerge from under the table next to us and the woman pulled out another personalized dog bed and began to soothe its tiny inhabitant.  The woman then expressed her anger at the waiter for waking up fluffy.  Geez.    

Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend

I am a girl who loves diamond and pearl jewelry.  Don't give me intellect, don't give me understanding, don't write me a love letter.  I want white pearl freshwater earrings.  I want cultured pearl Tahitian earrings.  The idea of "and they lived in poverty for the rest of their lives but they had their love" makes me sick to my stomach.  I will gladly admit that one can easily buy my love.  It's not difficult.  I won't even make you put it in a gift bag.  Just surprise me with a white gold heart diamond necklace or a 14k two tone gold diamond necklace.  If you're the committal type, or extremely sensitive or have a spectacular sense of humor, save it for the next girl.  Impress me with your vast amounts of wealth and gold journey earrings and I will be completely satisfied.  I know the fact that I am not interested in who you are as a person may come off as a bit harsh, but you'll soon come to appreciate my low expectations and realize that you have made the best decision of your entire life.  If a man can just come to the realization that diamonds truly are a girl's best friend, he will have a much happier and prosperous existence.            

The Watering Hole

I just moved into a new apartment complex.  Within this complex, there is a swimming pool.  It appears that among this habitation of single students, the swimming pool is a builder of social interaction.  I have come to the conclusion that apartment complexes hire swimming pool builders in order to encourage inhabitants to mingle and seek out potential mates.  Males position themselves in the hot tub and wait to the females to wander over in packs.  These swimming pool builders know that they need to place the hot tub in clear sight of the pool so that inhabitants can see a full panoramic view of all the singles that have come down to enjoy the cool, refreshing water.  The swimming pool builders also know to supply a large amount of beach chairs that females can use to lay out on, supposedly making them more attractive and boosting their ability to attract a surplus of potential mates.  Often times, these pool builders will put lights in bottom of the pool, drawing the singles out at night and making them look more attractive than they actually are.  These swimming pool builders really know what to do to increase the ritual of flirtation that seems to be a tendency among these very lonely young adults. 

Locksmiths and Chainsaws

I think I will pick out another interesting experience that I have with a locksmith to share with the world.  I have dozens.  I think it would be fun to write down all of them and have people rate which ones are the best.  I should take a picture with every locksmith that has ever come to help me unlock my car.  I could have a collage of locksmiths on my wall.  This particular time, I actually didn't meet a locksmith.  I locked my keys in the car in front of a haunted house in Scottsdale, not too far from all the guys running around with chainsaws.  It was one in the morning, and I called a locksmith, but was told that this particular locksmith couldn't help me because I was parked in a car shop parking lot.  They were worried about liability issues.  While I was on the phone, getting thoroughly pissed at the locksmith, a police officer walked by.  My friends proceeded to tell him what the situation was and in seconds he was prying my driver's seat door open with magic, car-opening tools. I ended up not needing a locksmith.  I got lucky...I didn't have to ask the chainsaw guys for help.   

Not Street Smart

I have a lot of interesting experiences with locksmiths. I require the assistance of a locksmith more than anyone I know. I have met several different locksmiths throughout my driving years.  The other day, I was visiting my cousin's apartment in Scottsdale.  It was late in the evening and when I got there I realized, with horror, that it would be necessary for me to parallel park.  As I attempted to pull my car forward and back I was starting to sweat as I got closer and closer to the flashy, yellow mustang in from of me.  When I decided I my car was properly positioned next to the sidewalk, I got out to examine my work.  The car was in the middle of the street and I had locked my keys inside with my cell phone. Crap. My cousin helped me get in contact with a local locksmith.  This poor locksmith had to come help me into my car at one in the morning.  He probably just thought I was some stupid, college girl...which happens to kind of be true.  I probably couldn't even count the number of locksmiths that have had to help me out of these sticky situations. It's a good thing I don't have kids. I'd hate to lock them in the car with my keys.