Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend

I am a girl who loves diamond and pearl jewelry.  Don't give me intellect, don't give me understanding, don't write me a love letter.  I want white pearl freshwater earrings.  I want cultured pearl Tahitian earrings.  The idea of "and they lived in poverty for the rest of their lives but they had their love" makes me sick to my stomach.  I will gladly admit that one can easily buy my love.  It's not difficult.  I won't even make you put it in a gift bag.  Just surprise me with a white gold heart diamond necklace or a 14k two tone gold diamond necklace.  If you're the committal type, or extremely sensitive or have a spectacular sense of humor, save it for the next girl.  Impress me with your vast amounts of wealth and gold journey earrings and I will be completely satisfied.  I know the fact that I am not interested in who you are as a person may come off as a bit harsh, but you'll soon come to appreciate my low expectations and realize that you have made the best decision of your entire life.  If a man can just come to the realization that diamonds truly are a girl's best friend, he will have a much happier and prosperous existence.